One of the things about life that is the most difficult to swallow is that closure and forgiveness don’t always occur. We might want it but it is not promised to us and there is nothing that we can do to alter it if that is the trajectory life creates.

We at times fuck up and it would make us feel better if the person we seek forgiveness from extends it. That is just about us though, its not about them. WE want to feel better so WE ask for forgiveness, WE ask for closure. The other person is not obligated to give you that, which can be a point of stress for the individual. We want the ability to put it behind us so to speak, and think the other person signing off will deliver that. If they choose to withhold it? That — in our heads at least — stops our movement.

I’ve had those moments when I thought I could not move on without the permission / closure / forgiveness of another. I was wrong.

I am sure that out there someone is waiting for me to extend the same. I hope they are not holding their breath.

I am not required to forgive those who’ve hurt me. None of you. While you may crave it, I am no longer responsible to satiate your cravings.

I am not required to behave and perform for you any longer. The choices we made in separation mean that I am not obligated to give you anything any longer. I don’t withhold it because I am holding a grudge or punishing you. I may not be withholding it at all, you simply are no longer important enough in my existence to share what is going on with me.

The timeline to forgiveness doesn’t change based on your desires. It is organic to the person and it moves at its own pace. All things do, but this is important to remember, just because you want to be done with it, doesn’t mean the other person is.

I have to be reminded of that from time to time, and one of the things I am experiencing now is a testimony to that concept. It’s not about me, in the sense that others choices to prolong the inevitable are my cross to bear. While I might, and frankly I am required to deal with the ripples that land on my shore, the malfunction that created that behavior is not on me.

I remember a time when I thought differently, but these days? I do my best to let go of that which does not serve me and which does not originate with me. I do not always succeed but I am getting better and faster with it.