And no I am not referring what it feels like to rest your head on my bosom. I am speaking rather to limits and how once they are stretched they never quite return to the ‘natural’ state.

One of the things that I love about doing Da Smoke is the energy the women bring to the table. The work wife asked me how I planned a show, I explained that I don’t actually, what you see is what happens organically. Yes there are times I have to edit, because we record live well things happen. The editing is done though to enhance the experience vs making the show razzle dazzle. Just as I try to live my life, in transparency, almost everything that happens in an episode is what you get on the replay.

That was a hard limit for me in her creation, that we give authenticity. A soft limit I did not know was soft was who was opposite me in the chair of co-host.

If you’ve been here since the beginning you know my first co host was Lola. No I don’t use a code name for her since that is already a code name. I thought back then that doing a solo show was a bad idea. Why? Vizionz from the Bottom Radio. I am sure those recordings are still out there someplace, but Constant Reader they were not good. This was back back back in the day and when I approached this as a method to get paid vs a method to connect with people. I would eventually learn BOTH are possible, but I was out there branding with nothing to sell.

Vizionz Radio was me podcasting. Yeah…before everyone else started doing it I tried it and didn’t do well at it. I didn’t understand the mechanics, I did not get the idea of consistency. I was a whole lot of fluff and no I am not talking about my FUPA.

I go in and check my listens and downloads and wonder how I would hit double digits let alone be able to make money. I never did, so much for my ‘commercial’ success.

When my dreams of being the next big online thing were rested, the Vizionz you’ve grown to love was created. While there was absolutely the template, it was when I stopped trying to make money her shape took form and then we both took off.

I was all over the place in the beginning trying to appeal to everyone, and denying myself the outlet Vizionz became. I showed up for others instead of showing up for me.

As I let that idea of ‘fame and fortune’ go, my views increased. Mind you, they are not nearly as big as others I know, but I am still proud of the little engine fueled by the day to day of me.

People began to tune in for the story of Nicole, or Aphrodite as she was known back then. They stayed not because I am exceptionally interesting, but because I am a good writer who makes them feel as they read. That ability is not available for everyone.

My hesitancy to solo it for Da Smoke was wrapped in my insecurity about me. Was I ‘enough’? I didn’t realize not only am I enough, I am the meat, the potatoes the veggies and a drink. While I still do enjoy having a cohost to bounce ideas off and to carry some of the weight of the live show, if you review what was done and how it was done, I carried a lot. My weight was absolutely lessened with OYK, but she too is no longer a co host.

These days I fly solo, and I am finally getting better at some things. It took almost no time to edit out the clips, and it took longer to render than it did to edit the show. Even though I am out of town for a while next month Da Smoke will go on. I can take the show on the road now comfortable in my own skin and that which I bring to the show.

My soft limit of not doing this alone just became stretched.

As I ramp up development for the spin off of Da Smoke – yep you read that right – one of the lessons I will give to that host is yes you are enough. Who knows, it might just be someone who has first hand experience knowing just how soft these titties are, and that in and of itself is tragic, ironic and comical all at the same time.