I need to commit this now before I begin to lose the details. When I explain why I am no longer dating men my age and I am from this moment forward sticking with the young men with strong backs I can share this post.

Despite my current single status I’ve had pretty good fortune with the male lovers I’ve picked over the years. Sure on occasion I hit a dud, but most of the time I am fornicating with someone worth keeping in the rotation.

Yes I am still ‘open’ to a new relationship, and sure and all that but for the hot girl summer I am planning I am gonna shelve the solo dating thing. Issa lot, like M’Baku.

So you see that name and you think fine assed Winston Duke, because Ryan Coogler understood the assignment. For the Marvel nerds out there, this is the M’Baku I knew:

Yeah Winston is an absolute upgrade.

Anyhow…

While I haven’t been on the app for a while there is a left over from BLK who somehow always seemed to show up when I didn’t have anything better to do so why the hell not?

Now there are easily a dozen reasons why he isn’t my “type”, but again we are trying new things on this new coast. Everyone gets a nickname and M’Baku’s comes from his appearance of being quite hairy. Now, I’ve been with hairy men before, the Gatekeeper has to shave his penis because …hair. The Gatekeeper is in my top 5 of oral sex partners, M’Baku is not. Another quick note about the Gatekeeper is he was the first peer of mine to display to me that while I am getting older, so are my ‘men’, and I need to evaluate if they can keep up with me. One of the last times we were together was when I was still in the homeless shelter and he was getting ready for hip replacement. Watching him walk almost dried me up, but again top 5.

M’Baku is hairy, and a slow talker and a lot of things that would normally make me NOPE out but I gave him a chance.

We finally agreed that we would meet for a meal and chat and see if there was chemistry. I already knew what to expect, but it was a meal, in a city I haven’t been to before, he sent gas $$ so why the hell not? In another quick note, this is a part of why men like the ex dislike women, the power and choices we have. We are saving that for Da Smoke on Sunday thought.

The ride to Stockton reminded me of the cross country trip, lots of wind and open land. California is truly beautiful. Stockton seems quaint. I use that word a lot here, because it fits. While it is a larger city than the ones which border my own, it ain’t Philly or NYC or Baltimore so yeah…quaint.

The apartments where he lives? Meh, but strangely there is a lot of meh here. I pulled up and parked and I first noticed his feet.

I’m not a foot person, but I will notice them. His? Unclipped toenails and dark nails. Not a great start. Inside the apartment, more NOPE. I won’t drag him for filth, but when I asked how long he’d lived there and he said 4 years, and knowing what he does for a living….I had questions, but again…try something new etc etc etc

He needed to shower. Mind you, my drive was close to an hour [yes I was speeding], why he didn’t choose to use that hour to shower? Fuck if I know.

It was a fast shower and then off for Indian food. I love Indian food.

The in person conversation was better than the phones have been. BONUS. He wore crocs and despite showering his fingernails were still dirty. NOPE.

The restaurant did not look good but the food was spectacular. The service was horrific, but the food was amazing. The Sprite was as Sprite is disgusting, but I was not going to drink, I knew damn well I was on the road immediately after the check.

In the flow of the conversation we spoke about the podcast he wants to do. The Alpha Dog Podcast. NOPE. I already knew what he intended, but I still encouraged him to say it out loud. He said a place where men can be men and say what they want to say without worrying about cancel culture. NOPE.

I encouraged him to continue talking though, because I wanted to have ZERO hesitation about the block he was about to get. I asked for an example.

He gave a long and convoluted example of a man fresh out of prison, living with his woman, who because she had to be the head of the house while he was gone, refused to defer to him any longer and when he tried to establish dominance would threaten to call his parole officer. NOPE. I feigned ignorance though, and asked well what can’t he say? We never got to a specific because he had a curve ball for me.

He was in the final month of his very own probation. He’d pled guilty to DV and that weekly men’s group of his was court ordered. NOPE NOPE NOPE

So I actually believe his version of the incident. Let’s just say, I saw the inside of his house and I understand why she might break things.

Regardless, nope. You tell me who you are, I believe you. He told me he was willing to take a guilty plea for DV, and I want none of that in my space.

He then pivoted and spoke about how Black women were complacent with allowing the Yt man to remove the Black man from the home and NOPE NOPE NOPE.

He started spouting off Kevin Samuels type stats and I had to roll up my sleeves and educate him. He went back to mumbling something about getting someone famous on this mythical podcast so he could make $$ – NOPE.

Then the Universe did what she always does, she saved me. His 21 year old needed a ride from the BART. Now mind you I have no idea if BART runs in Stockton, but that was all I needed to say toodle-oooo-motherfucker.

I did text him I was home safe. Yes it’s a little savage, but I want him to know I am ghosting him vs him thinking I rode off the road. He thanked me for the afternoon, told me I was more incredible in person than he imagined, I was beautiful and smart and focused and he wanted to go out again soon.

BLOCK

I am done – for the summer at least – with trying to date someone my age. In addition to all that up there, one look at M’Baku and it was clear he would never be added to the rotation because there is no way in hell he could keep up with me. He’s the type who would be okay with sitting on the couch and watching TV, going to bed every night in pajamas and having sex once a month. NOPE

I will instead keep my 30 somethings who appreciate uninhibited pussy, are thankful someone like me gives them the time of day, and are eager to please. I don’t have to stroke their ego, I don’t have to center them in my life, and I don’t have to listen to them allege they are of high value because they earn a little money.