There is a lot to unpack from the trip literally and figuratively. The suitcase is in the living room though, and it will empty as the day goes on and I do laundry. Thankfully I have today as a remote day, because the commute was not going to happen.

SELF was eye opening, not that they were closed, but they were obscured by the projections of another.

Life with Bonnie conditioned me to absorb those types of words when tossed my way. Life after Bonnie is teaching me to let it go, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t have a moment..or 10.

About a month ago the ex put a thing out there on the Internet. It was ugly and said some things about me. Some of the things are being dealt with in other ways but there really is no avenue to address the personal attacks. I mean I get it, he’s showed me who he is and I believe him.

Side tangent, for all the ‘obsessing’ I’ve allegedly done, and all the ‘horrible’ things I’ve allegedly said, I didn’t attack him in the same manner he did me. That’s the difference in an actual grievance and ego salvation. None of my words were regarding his physical, it was all about his behavior. I was once attracted to the physical and it would be sophomoric for me to try to drag it now. There is also the thing where, I was simply trying to protect myself and move along with my life, versus what’s been directed towards me. That will be handled, in the meantime this moment is about how despite all the evidence to the contrary, I felt those words for a moment.

It’s what I am trained to do and I execute my training well.

I did ask myself about some of the characterizations and if they were valid. SELF helped shelve that stinkin thinkin as I call it, and remind me of who I actually am. how I actually operate and what I still have to contribute to this 3rd rock from the sun.

Reminder one – even though it was written I am fatter than before I did not require a seat belt extender on the plan and 100% of my ample ass was in the seat. That is a big fucking deal. In recent years it was an automatic request whispered as I boarded and shamefully attached. A reminder that I was different. Compounded by the look of disgust and / or disappointment from the person who had to sit next to me.

Reminder two – those who chose to follow me around and about and call me Queen. Sure it was 100% objectification but that doesn’t make it less true. All ages and races and economic backgrounds present in the moment to tell ME I was worthy of admiration. I didn’t have to revert to misogyny to make my points, I could simply just point to to facts, and each of my devotees reminded me that misogyny only matters if I choose to allow it.

Reminder three – compression socks sex.

That constant reader is a another post, and being honest? I might even become a porn hub category.

So stay tuned, you never know what will arrive next.