That is the word which was written and I believe them. They said they were delighted. I blushed, they usually make me blush and this was not different.

The dedication page of 3000 Miles to Zero mentions them, I just haven’t told them it does yet. I am nervous to do it, they aways make me nervous.

It is not secret that over the years here I’ve shared some of my insecurities. Learned behaviors enforced and reenforced over time by those who used the words I love you. I have to do the work daily to battle them, which is how I can show others how to do it. They said they were delighted though, and instead of going through all the reasons why what was said didn’t apply to me, I just said thank you.

That wasn’t simple, but they made it clear that acceptance is required. I am also terrified of them, but not like how one may think. I am not afraid of their wrath, although I am convinced said wrath when unleased is borderline lethal. I am afraid of their disappointment which when it comes to me is a bigger motivator. I lived through wrath with Bonnie.

It’s taken around 49 years to get to the point where I can admit that some of the things I’ve done are meaningful. That I am the leader they described, even when I doubt it myself.

I have to say it out loud frequently to stop myself from trying to qualify it.

Just looking even at the last 2 months, bitch.

How refreshing is it to have delighted used after those other words were used.

Being here in this place, in this moment is what I needed to take this step and the ones ahead of me. I have mild annoyance at the ‘rest stops’ ahead of me, but overall I feel solid and centered. Certification is almost over and when it is, a whole new set of possibilities open.

I started looking at plans for October. I should have started earlier, but I can see where the mistake was and change trajectory. The sun is finally breaking through the clouds here and I am going out today to soak some of it up. The funny thing? At one of my stops on deck this after 5×5 also tossed a RSVP. Combined with the heat check from Mediocre the other day? I am reminded of my mindset last summer vs this summer.

I also am delighted that things are different.

Delighted is my word of the week.