This is what you wear when you want to make things happen. Take note.

One of the more interesting things about being me is at any given time thereY are easily a dozen …things … going on. They are frequently good if not also chaotic but lots and lots. It’s rarely quiet in this neck of the woods. I get why that can be intimidating to those without vizion, but that is their issue not my own.

I did a thing, I have another thing that I began today. The thing I did was complete my certification. I am now officially a Certified Consulting Hypnotist with the NGH and ICBCH. Yessir…dual certification. It was a stressful and lengthy process. The final certification exam lasted over 7 hours. I did it though. I have another tool to help my clients, and attract new ones. I have another method to market my services and expand on what I’ve begun. One of the best things about it, is that I am one of few people that look like me doing that which I do.

I can also increase my prices, but the money isn’t everything. It’s understanding that despite the obstacles in front of me, I dug in and got it done. I’ve continued to grow when circumstances gave me every reason to lay down and give up. I keep thinking of the words from FYPM, and the assertion that there was never an attempt to ‘ruin’ me, it was just a break up. It was never just a break up. It could have been, one might argue it should have been. The behavior after May 7 was specific in it’s intent, to destabilize. I might always wonder why, because it’s beyond my ability to comprehend the prior decade plus were all fantasy and all a lie. I still want to believe in the good, even when things like FYPM exist. It’s not a weakness, it is a sign of my humanity. I can understand why others might not see that.

The trip to Exton was super early in the relationship. I left that weekend understanding what comes next, even if I didn’t know HOW to make that happen. In the infant stages, I relied on the perceived wisdom of the person I chose. There were moments of wisdom I cannot erase that, but there was never the definitive path creation I hoped to see. The discovery of ‘purpose’ was never fully executed as I was planning for a future that would not exist. I didn’t think that at the time, I was very committed to forever as it’s designed. The Universe knew better though, and while I do trust in the Universe from time to time I still have questions. Another thing, a very important thing…..I could not be a member of EITHER organization despite passing certification with a criminal conviction. They don’t allow convicts.

Something else happened along the way while I was learning this skill:

Side note – I am getting pretty good at editing. I redacted a whole transcript and legal briefs.

FYPM. Yeah it’s living rent free in my head at the moment, it won’t always but today as I celebrate all that is new around me, it has a lease of sorts.

If the ideas of FYPM were based in reality, I don’t get messages like that. I’m old and fat and used up no one of ‘value’ would want someone like me. I’m not worth desire support or protection. The facts show different though. The facts show I really am that bitch.

Something will come along to keep me humble that is how the Universe works. Even when that comes along and I have to bend the knee to it, nothing alters this victory.

I have a specialty training that begins today. Another month or so and there will be another certification in the mail. I’ve gotten this all done based on my skills and determination. I’ve had the support of those who love me, but they can’t take the test and learn the lessons. They can comfort me when I am exhausted, wipe my tears as I cry because I am overwhelmed. They can’t do the work, only I can. And I’ve done it. I am building that which I imagined while the person I thought I was meant to share it with is over there sleeping next to a person who calls them nigger.

FYPM – yeah it’s about more than how I FEEL it’s about my reality.

My reality is that I don’t have to have a man who THINKS they are valuable when the Universe gave me someone who actually IS and my brains and my beauty to captivate all the rest.

Forward.