I have to remind myself of this from time to time. Nothing ventured nothing gained I think is how the saying goes. I just sent off the email and I just wrote out dream scenario – good scenario – well ok scenario. They are all different from now and if none of them pan out I’ve lost nothing but the time it took to write those 2 paragraphs.

If one of them DOES pan out ……well now how fascinating is that?

It would change a lot, and I am actually not afraid of the change. Go figure.

It would absolutely upgrade some things, and it would impact my ability to speed up some of the ideas I have.

I am trying to temper the daydreams because I’ve been there before and the funk when the Universe says no is a thing. I am also reminding myself that I am typing this from my kitchen in California. I am not “supposed” to be HERE, NOW.

In 2007, it was more than I could imagine or hope for and then my life took a turn.

I abandoned the idea as I’ve had to abandon many things in this life.

I am here though. I moved heaven and earth to get here. I walked through hell to STAY here.

Why not take this chance. If the answer is no, understand that there is something else out there, something else designed for me.

If the answer is yes, well bitch you have to pack. I hate packing, yet I feel like this will be worth it on levels I can’t go into detail here right now. I am still getting reviewed so to speak, and while it’s not the daily visits that were there leading up to trial watched I am. Look at me.

I vacillate back and forth with how I feel about it. Most days I chuckle, some days I want to erase the Internet.

What is most important though, is that I don’t allow it to alter me, and I can admit that at times it does. I’ve seen it described and realize the wording didn’t change. If nothing else, when you see me here there is no ghost writer, of course that’s foreign to you but your issue not my own. I’d believe it too, if my entire existence depended on the fallacy. Guess what though? It does not.

When I let that sink in, REALLY sink in? It makes it all the more pathetic, and I mentally kick myself for allowing it. Then I stop and recall that there is no escape from consequences.

I gotta run, it’s movie night and I’ve stuff to do before then. I had a purchase planned, but when the opportunity hit, and I decided to shoot my shot I gave myself permission to place that on hold. If it manifests? We can let it be the first gift and who doesn’t love gifts?