As I type this it is JuneTeenth. Its going to sit here in drafts until it is safe to publish.

I saw this:

And had thoughts, lots of thoughts, yet I sat on them for multiple reasons.

I’m saying this because by the time I publish this our interactions will be over for the most part. I am sure there will be some residual something or other, but I can put the lid back on you after we walk out of court on the 10th.

It’s never been about you, and your anger is misplaced.

You can call me all the whores you like and rant and rave but it changes nothing. Nothing.

I won’t go back through the how we met, and how we chose one another section of the story. You spend enough time here on the blog to find it out yourself if you like, but you won’t. Even if you do, you will find a way to make it palatable and not understand the reality and the truth. That is your issue not mine.

You won’t be told from him about how I advocated for you, because in your world I was trying to steal him away. That was never the plan but you will cling to that because it gives you the power you need.

He cannot see who you are because his vizion is flawed when it comes to you. I do see who you are and it disgusts me in some ways, and gives me pity for you in some ways. I will share I do have empathy for you though, because you have to live with it. Had he not shown me who he was, I might add jealousy to the mix, but it’s never existed in your direction and it won’t begin now.

No. I’ve never been jealous of you. Not even after the break up.

I’ve only been angry with my perception of how you treat him, but that was when I thought he was worthy of me. Those days have expired.

I do still feel some kind of way about you calling him nigger, but again, not my problem. He’s the type who can swallow that and still lay in the bed next to you every night so I leave him to that.

Whether I got to air it all out in court or not, YOU’VE been threatened by me from the beginning. It’s because you can’t see past your own limitations to comprehend just how magical I am. Your loss. I know you hoped when you got him out here, that I would be a memory, or a file # on his external drive but he’s always wanted me, and still does. I know exactly what I could do, the series of steps I could take, to have him right back in my bed. I won’t do them. The desire for him left May 7 2022 and he won’t ever get it back.

It feels as if your biggest fear is that he will come to his senses and leave you. I get it. I can’t say it won’t happen, he is who he is after all, but it won’t be me he leaves you for.

If I have ill will in your direction? It’s that you are not woman enough to stand without him, but that frankly is more directed to him not being man enough to stand without you. I leave you both to your co dependent dysfunction as I move on with my life.

I’ve said before and it remains true that the punishment of returning to life with you, minus the presence of me and what I gave him, is the only punishment he needs. I don’t have to life a finger.

I never wanted to do any of this, I was a woman defending herself. I know it doesn’t make sense to you since you’ve never NOT been defended but it remains still.

I took the word of the man who was my friend and long term lover when he said he was in love with me and wanted us to have a life here. That was my only crime, yet the two of you have gone out of your way to punish me for that. For love.

How small of you.

Now our interactions are ‘over’, as I wanted them to be from the outset. Until you threatened me, there was no issue, and assuming you don’t threaten me again, there will be no future issue. You can call me all of the whores you like, I’ve been called worse and I am still here.

You can tell yourself any story about me you wish to help you sleep at night, and I want that for you. I want you to be content and happy and over there away from me.

This could have and should have been over months ago, but you had to prove to me …whatever it was you were trying to prove. The lesson I learned? You are the dangerous white woman I thought you were, and because of it my distance is warranted.

You chose to drag this out, and the results of July 10, what ever they are on you fully. That 6k could have been spent on your next vacation, instead it was spent to drag out proceedings, your actions created to start and I tried to dead almost a year prior.

He could have just done that which he said he would do, and none of this would have occurred. I don’t know if it was his ego, your insertion or a combination of both but I did not start this no matter what you tell yourself. He blindsided me and put me at risk. I stood my ground and then you two opted to try to hit me where it might hurt the most. I took your shots and here I remain. You could not run me out of town, or have me stop building my life here and I am sure that stings. That I can still wake up every day happy here, when you tried to prevent that.

What stings for me is knowing no matter what I do, you will still carry your abnormal discomfort about me with you, when it’s not needed. I wasn’t a threat to your relationship in 2009, or 2019 or today. Tomorrow isn’t going to be the day either. The person I fell in love with is not the person he is and I want zero parts of who he actually is, ever never ever again.

All I want now is my name cleared and I will have that.

Just remember that you said you would never talk to me, yet I made that happen. I wasn’t even trying to, but your obstinance created it. Just like he said he would never pay me a dime, yet that happened as well. What I will make happen next is the clearing of my name and then I am done with you both. I am sure I will continue to live rent free in your head, but you will not in mine.

You weren’t a factor then, you are not now.

Be well