I didn’t know this book existed, but I am likely to purchase it now.

The little one and I had a long talk tonight, much needed as we approach the end of this month. We both have a LOT we are trying to do and I am thankful we value one another enough to remain connected. It hasn’t been easy lately but we make it happen. I always thought I was a better person as a ‘parent’ and she’s a reminder of that version of me.

There is a date right after my birthday which still haunts me. Ironic choice of words there Nicole. I have a plan to power through it, but I am not losing sight of the other important date in October….my motherfucking birthday.

About 3 days ago I was in my head and feelings about some things, and tears happened. While I might always dislike that my tear ducts malfunction in that manner, I don’t resent those specific tears. I was in the middle of doing something that is old habit – minimizing myself. I told myself while I was doing it that it was for the greater good, but in reality? It was just me reverting to that which is muscle memory instead of using the new muscles I’ve created. I caught it, not in the moment but I caught it. That has to be categorized as progress, as I push for more and better.

I told myself that it is always like this, but I’d later ask myself if that was the truth. It is not.

I have to power to create something different. I’ve done it before and that’s what I have to have center focus in these next weeks. I told the little one the plan tonight, and bless her I will have to tell her again, but it helped to say it out loud, own it, and remind myself she doesn’t forget EVERYTHING and accountability is real.

We talked about the last 3 months and the next 3. We talked about what it’s going to take to make this time next year happen. I reminded her of HER next steps while I outlined my own. I went looking for something….I did not find it but it showed me the path. This is the way.

I have one more BIG hurdle ahead of me but the rest of the year looks smooth and I can expand on what I built this summer.

I allowed circumstances to distract me. Like the lyricist Sean Carter said – I’m focused man. When I am like this there is nothing that can stop me. Except me. I am too close to the reveal to get in my own way this time. How about that?