This ties right into tomorrow’s show. This isn’t a bad thing, or at least today it was not.

I was at my afternoon meeting. I’d just paid for our coffee and we were sitting down when I got an alert on my phone. At first I thought it was the alert for the purchase, except I’d just seen that one. This one was saying my card was declined for $76 and change at Uber Eats.

My card was ‘compromised’.

Wow.

That is a lot of wow.

After the incident I could not even have a bank account. I’d done some shit to keep food in the fridge not all of it ethical and the result of that was no bank for you Nicole.

I got a savings account in 2017, but that was only because I worked for Greyhound and they were afraid I would sue because it was a ‘benefit’ of being a Teamster. The same credit union would not give me a checking account. The Visa debit card associated with that savings account didn’t have a Visa logo, it was an old fashioned regular degular debit card.

My ‘checking’ account was an AMEX Serve card. Then I got one of those prepaid Visas from the check cashing store because some merchants didn’t take AMEX.

I didn’t get a checking account again until 2021. December to be precise. The reason I got that? Because there was a 5 figure settlement check attached to it. That money was used to finance my move here, to California.

That little checking account was such a point of pride for me then, and it still is. There are still times that balance is low as fuck…after all I am not rich but it is still open and active and accepting deposits.

After the random man from Philly broke bad I had no clue how I was going to make things happen, I just knew that I would.

Even though I knew intellectually what happened was possible, I did not expect it. Foolish perhaps, but I was true to my word, I pushed all the chips in on that relationship and on him. Those 3 weeks from that 7 minute phone call until I began the current gig on May 31 were pretty precarious. I recall what seemed like concern from him in those 3 weeks. He asked how I was eating or something similar. I wasn’t but I for sure was not going to admit that to him so I lied. After my outreach to him via LinkedIn, because he’d blocked me pretty much everywhere else, and that attempt was met with a block it began to sink in that it wasn’t a temporary thing designed to quite the other woman. He’d chosen even though he’d sworn he would never.

It was right around then the extortion word began appearing. In hindsight I can see the shift, that his perception of my lack of need allowed him to re-write things and justify what came next.

This ain’t about him though…its about ME and what I’ve been able to do.

fuck him

I started working. I found the money to make it happen for July and every month after. I had help at times. I have a system which helps me budget. I grind. Being transparent, there have been 2 times when a 3 day notice was placed on my front door, but they never advance past that. 2 times in 18 months in an apartment which was never designed to be supported ONLY by me….yeah I will take that victory because that is exactly what the fuck it is, with a capital V.

As I sit here and type and look at the things which surround me, so many of them were not here in May of 2022. Yes I am sitting at the kitchen table typing this, the one he helped purchase. Yes the sofa is still the one he sent me money via PayPal to buy. My microwave and pink Keurig came through his red card. The little one gifted me plates and cups and my fancy corner lamp plus other things that are here. The rest? Nicole did that. I either found it and dragged it in here, had connections which led me to deals, or out right bought them. I did that.

In August of 2022 out of desperation I applied for a secured credit card. I had not had a credit card since 2003. I needed the extra $ this paycheck to paycheck thing was not cute. I was worried. The last time I visited this path it didn’t go as I hoped. I stepped out on faith though, correctly assuming the Universe which had protected me for half a century prior would not suddenly forget my name and need.

Today I have two others NON secured. Neither of them are the AMEX Serve or the AMEX Green I had once upon a time. Yes Virginia once upon a time before these pages began I made enough and had a credit score high enough for AMEX.

My available balance is not as good a percentage as it can be, but I’ve never missed a payment. NOT ONCE. That credit score of mine which once started with a 4 now starts with a 6 and 7 is right around the corner. Now that’s still fair and average but for a woman who was in a homeless shelter not all that long ago? Take that win bitch.

Not only have I done it, but I’ve done it under the stress and adversity the separation created. I’ve done it in one of the more expensive parts of the nation to reside. I’ve done it with help, but it’s done and still doing. I am days away from renewing this lease for the 2nd time without the other person who’s name was once on the paperwork. They said under oath in a courtroom I could not do it, yet here I remain.

When I got that alert today, I was unphased yet also proud.

Because I am paranoid I wasn’t worried my account would be emptied. The notice saying the transaction was declined was proof my paranoia was not misplaced. I was proud that I’ve fought my way back to a financial status that I am worth trying to hack. I called and cancelled the card immediately, apologizing to my coffee mate for the interruption, but while talking to customer service in the back of my mind I kept thinking ….look at that.

I’m not out of the woods financially yet, but the foundation is settling and it is almost time to build upon.

By the end of the year I will have utilization under 50% yes even with the holidays upcoming.

Now that I know what my end date here will be, I can backwards budget and get the number that I need to make early 2025 possible. Being the CEO of my own company and expanding my teaching and speaking gigs will only get me to that magic number faster.

But the road to Vallejo showed me that deadlines need not be concrete. It also showed me that I can do anything I set my mind to, like I made here happen. Also on the list of things shown is I don’t have to be in the city I am moving to because I know how to find a place to live without proximity.

Yes I am repeating history in a sense but this move will be about me not a future with someone other than me. I will factor those important to me in the process, but my destination is not contingent on someone being there waiting for my arrival. I might not open the fridge to see this:

Yet that died a long time ago, not unlike the flowers in that photo. But who’s to say that I won’t because despite my insistence I am not relationshiping any time soon, the possibilities are endless almost like those trying to holla.

Yes the dating apps still suck, but the connections made off app aren’t pissing me off. Who knew when you leave the house these things can happen.

I’m hanging credentials tomorrow. 9 frames so far. When I have my moments of who do you think you are Nicole, I will be able to look up and be reminded exactly who the fuck I am.

I’m going to share one last thing then go change my sheets. There is a TV in my living room. I haven’t owned a TV in almost a decade. And it just occurred to me that I can watch my OWN YouTube channel on my TV and well ….shit.

Now if only I can figure out how to get this mixer to work, but that is not an issue I have to solve tonight. The show goes on tomorrow even if I don’t use the new microphone.