Ran across a Tweet, being more precise it was sent to me. I don’t think I will share the details of the conversation I had with the person who shared it. That is between the 2 of us and it is unlikely to happen again. The Tweet itself? Feeble and miserable.

I can admit for a time I’d look to see what new nonsense was being written. It actually helped my case in July. Some motherfuckers want to skate uphill and shit, and it was ‘important’ to gloat…I guess. Anyhow it helped because it was documentation of the pattern, you know the one it is alleged doesn’t exist. I’d visit from time to time, even was able to identify the replacement Twitter account. After a while, it didn’t matter so I stopped watching. I had other things to do, and I did them. I am still doing them.

What doesn’t seem to be the same on the other side of town is people living their lives. Sure, there is projection and invention, but along the want not a lot of life living it seems. I am positive that it would be described differently. Actions speak louder than words though, and the Tweet …..well….

When I spoke to someone about it they called it obsessive. I would agree, yet it is no different than it was a decade ago. When they realized I existed the random man from Philly was pretty much forbidden to be with/around/friends with me. That didn’t stop anything. I was the reason things did not progress then. I was committed to another, and said as much. I still have the receipt from that exchange.

When we did finally connect, we both commented that it made sense. He said: made others quake in fear! – again I have the exchange. I always knew it was possible, then it was actual.

I made the choice to lean into that connection, and trusted that the man who’d he displayed himself to be was the man he actually was. That trust was misplaced and for a year after that realization I fought, and eventually won. I was free and I’ve acted as such.

I’m dating. I’m fucking. I’m working. I am working with clients. I’ve gotten new certifications to add to my skill set. Other than my trips to the market I stay on my side of town and mind my own business.

Through the summer, and up until his grandmother’s birthday there have been periodic – gee look how great my life is posts – and what’s always been true is that when you are actually living it you rarely feel the need to explain it because you are too busy doing it.

The thing is that it’s super obvious it is bait directed at me. Gee I am at the pool! Um…okay. Gee look at this song I am dedicating to him! Sure. Gee we spend every day together. Well that is not the flex you think it is, yet if that is what makes you happy then that is what I want for you.

I’ve said it before and I am saying it again, replacing you was never a goal. I never walked into MY relationship trying to alter or subvert yours. It was always designed for he and I to have a relationship separate from your own, and he to continue his with you. That wasn’t acceptable to you though, because well I won’t speculate about that here. I have an opinion, but your why is irrelevant, just like you.

Yes you’ve always been irrelevant to me in a sense, and other than your persistent attacks in my direction you always will remain irrelevant.

I’m not built like you. Your presence never impacted my sense of self nor my sense of ‘value’ I use that because he seems to like that word. You did not share my self esteem. I hate that for you.

In the aftermath of the breakup you spent a lot of time gloating, I mean…ok. You wanted him, you got him. I don’t want him. I did once, and when I did I had him. I no longer want him. There seems to be a trout in the milk though, because we are back to taking shots again:

I’m supposed to be sad, and broken and feeling less than. I don’t. You see…I’ve never had an issue being single, and in this moment I am single by choice. I could be in a relationship I am choosing not to be in one. Yes there is someone I like….a lot and they like me. Despite the humorous shares of dating in the Bay everyone is not a frog with warts.

What I can say about them is they haven’t cheated on me our entire time knowing one another, they didn’t move their other girlfriend across country and make me end up in court over for over a year after I threatened her. They haven’t made me cut myself or swallow a handful of Tylenol. There are many other things I could type here that the person I like hasn’t imposed on me, but to share them is to kick while down and I do not bully.

It is a strange as fuck flex to say I am in a relationship with someone who hurts me, but you need that so ….have it.

I see through this, and you though, I always have. I’d prefer you gained a hobby and stopped letting me live rent free in your head. I can’t make you though.

I can protect myself from you. I’ve done it before and I will always do it.