November 23, 2010 I began a blog on BlogSpot.

I was newly reconnected with the person I thought was the love of my life and it was complicated. We were complicated.

I was determined THIS TIME! we would go the distance. We did not. I altered myself to give us that chance. I don’t regret taking the chance. I don’t regret the lessons learned. I don’t feel bad we aren’t together any longer. After all had that happened I would be in a different place; mentally, physically and financially.

I’d deleted my first FetLife account. I still pout about that from time to time though because I was one of the first 300,000 of a site which now has millions. I can’t prove that longevity now. Considering how much I barely use Fet now I suppose it doesn’t matter, but I do miss that first account. I thought that keeping people’s eyes out our business was key to making things work. In a sense it was…just not how I thought it would play out. He expressed his discomfort with being public in our connection, and I wanted him so badly I didn’t fight it. That action would repeat itself and I let that go then as well. At least I am [or was possibly] consistent in what I will let you get away with when I love you.

Days after he put that collar on my neck in his living room, things got ……interesting.

I am pretty sure I told the story so I won’t repeat in this moment. If I did not, let me know and we can talk about the Philadelphia waterfront and waffles.

As the immediate people surrounding me got to gossip about how messy things were for a few days—while some mutuals chose sides—I doubled down on not being the reason the relationship didn’t work. I could not stop ‘defending’ myself online so I erased the temptation. That lasted about a month and Vizionz from the Bottom was born.

I didn’t see into the year 2023 then, had I been that fortunate I would have written down some Powerball numbers.

What’s amusing to me was Vizionz was supposed to be the place I could talk about the things I didn’t on Fet, yet that first year I didn’t do a lot of that. It then turned into the place I could escape the increasingly dire surroundings of the house on Limekiln. It turned into a place I could have conversations with you Constant Reader. Today? It is the history of Nicole / Aphrodite memorialized so I make fewer of the same mistakes.

Doesn’t always work. I let the random get away with something similar to what triggered the creation of Vizionz. Had I thought about it, perhaps things would have played differently, but I didn’t. I don’t spend a lot of time recalling my time with Kahlil. unless I can use it to tell a story. The positive is I’ve lived a lot of life since then and other examples are used. I don’t spend as much time thinking about my time with the random as one might think, it just so happens that is much more recent and present the more current examples. Eventually they will also be reduced to a sporadic mention to make a different point, until they aren’t.

At some point after the incident it became a priority to me to keep this living document and that is still the plan. As things move along Vizionz will be recognized in a different way for a different reason, but a version of this will remain.

I don’t know if I have 13 more years on this 3rd rock. I would like a good 35-40 more but I might not be gifted that.

What I do know is I will keep living and moving and improving for the days which remain and even when there is no more ME, the forever Internet will still tell my story.

I like how that sounds.

Cheers and happy belated anniversary.