My anxiety was off the charts leading up to this weekend. I can admit that I now have some melancholy looking at what comes tomorrow but I am not disappointed with the opportunity. Doing it anyhow is what happens in my world at this point of my life.

The house looks like WW3 but I can clean it when this is all over.

In some of the first conversation Friday I said something out loud that I didn’t realize I would say. I knew it to be true, but saying it that was a surprise. It is normally something that I reserve for posts like this but there it was being said in the middle of the bedroom. In typical male fashion he heard it, and made it about him. Sigh.

I hurt my wrist in some odd fashion. Like really hurt it, hello 51.

One more thing crossed off the 51 list today and I am low key proud of it. I’ve felt the effects of no therapy for the past 3 days and all I can think is the body at rest and the body in motion. I’ve established motion again and I can’t go back. The Leo is still big mad. Like…..they say women are emotional yet I’ve seen the other half of the species display this more than my own.

You ever read something and think, that doesn’t mean what you think it does? That’s my current state of the union so to speak. I keep looking at the form and waiting to hit send and that is in my mind at the moment. It won’t stay, too much on the ‘plate’ today but it visited.

I said what I said out loud and I am still processing it. I feel like it should be a separate post all together and that is likely what will happen. Lots to express from this weekend lots to remember.

**picking up again on Sunday

Last night did not go as expected, Iron Man threw me a curve ball and I don’t know if I am going to swing or not.

I know precisely where my limits are and I’ve planned accordingly.

I need a massage and a week off lol but I will survive.

***revisiting Sunday night

wow

Just that

When they reached out and said they could make the trip this weekend my response was an immediate and resounding yes. I wanted them here with me. Of course the closer the date got the more anxious I became, but I didn’t over think it – I just did it.

Things didn’t go to plan, yet I can say without hesitation this was one of the better weeks of 2023 for me and I’ve had some really good ones this year.

One of the things that I appreciate about this time is our old habits were not brought out to the point the stay was unwelcome. When they roll out tomorrow we will have good memories.

I feel tired, and I should. We did a lot, and we did it well. 8 cities in days. Hikes, laughter, margaritas deep conversations karaoke and today…NAPS. I didn’t get to introduce the little one, but lord willing and the creek don’t rise there will be other chances. Now that we made this happen I have proof and can build on that for the future.

I was also reminded on this visit of how good I am alone here. I’ve really settled in and created a home and I am jealously protecting it. I have a system, a routine and I don’t enjoy it being too rattled. I will watch that because that could slip into something else if I allow it. I don’t have to allow it though, I do different.

I had a talk with Iron Man over the weekend, even with the out of town folx here and it didn’t go as I thought it would. While I can’t precisely say what I expected, I can tell you that what was said wasn’t it. I’ve floated back and forth on this for a while and Saturday landed me on one side without question. I did the right thing, and that I won’t feel bad about. The other things which ripple out from this? Not my cross to carry someone else needs the wood.

Between that conversation, a conversation with a different man, observations of performances I realize I am still protecting Black men. Some less deserving than others but my instinct remains.

I need to take a half day off to head out to Fairfield to file this paperwork. I need 3 days of rest to combat the 3 days of energy I just expended. I need this box to arrive tomorrow so I can get one more thing done before the 25th arrives, although I might be able to extend it until the 26th.

I still need a silver belt and I can see the reunion date creeping up on me.

overall I am grateful and those I can hear snoring in the next room now are also. I’m glad I could make this happen.