January 2024 has been both the longest and shortest month I’ve seen in quite some time. On the one had yay because some of that which has happened I am ready to leave behind on the other hand WTF because I need to explore some stuff.

I wasn’t prepared for the I love you and its kind of still sitting out there. I have love for you, I am not in love with you though and it feels like that exchange and what comes after means now I have to choose a relationship or not. If the choice does need making, the answer is not. Not you, not now.

I finally got my swagger back. I am only truly just stepping out and doing things. I still have so much to explore in this location and with other people. There is nothing special enough about my interactions that gives me the space to consider altering my life to include you. That right there is the AHA.

Ashy red pill YouTube now realizes I exist and of course the standard barrage of ‘insults’ are tossed in my direction. Points to the one who actually came up with something I had not heard before. While no one wants to spend their free time reading horrible remarks, the fact they exist doesn’t at all surprise me. That type of man really is a 1 trick pony so when you can’t interrupt the message you try to interrupt the person. It bothers them that I am not at all bothered by their name calling.

I am not because I really am cool with where I am in this moment. My peace and my forward trajectory matter more to me than Joe Smith’s assertion that I am fat.

Just like I said on Georgia St a couple years ago, I am not on the market.

Why do I date then you ask? I enjoy doing things, I at times want to do them with other people and I am not ready to hang up my libido so I need people that I would be willing to fuck.

My willingness to go bowling, or to a winery, or a Kings game aside, no one has shown me yet that their presence in my life is worth changing myself to include them. I don’t think that is a loss, but I am sure other would argue otherwise.

I do have another decision to make in the next couple of days and I know how I am leaning, my question to myself is will I lean all the way in or allow things to ‘happen’. My conversation last night got me out of bed this morning but I didn’t do the other thing I needed to get done. I will take the win that I didn’t hit the snooze button and build on that.

It might mean missing out on the annual bonus they screwed me out of last year, but I value more the benefits which are possible at the Next vs what the current has shown me. I am grateful for it, no doubt, but Vizionz isn’t yet at the sole income level and its almost time to shop. I give myself March, things are collapsing in that space and the end of March will likely get me some deals that aren’t on the table now. I tell myself to lower my expectations yet Coach Nicole would say fuck all that to someone who is not me. Here’s to writing your own Rx.