It is February 2024. I woke up this morning after not sleeping next to a white woman who calls me nigger. It is a good day.
It’s a bit petty of me, but it I never said I wasn’t petty.
This entry has me visiting Vizionz from 2012
One would think Seismic Shift would be the choice, but while that one was the most popular one of the month, this one resonated the most with me.
I read it and see at how far I’ve come as a a blogger. I still have lots of room to grow but I am miles away from where I was over a decade ago. The subject matter also resonated with me.
I find myself exposed to a type of person who rejoices in the ability to talk about my looks. This is 51 year old Nicole though and that dog doesn’t hunt….except when it does.
A part of what made the woman you meet today is not being traditionally or Eurocentric in beauty. Black women are frequently a part of that tired old you aren’t beautiful nonsense. Doesn’t matter what she looks like there is always a random out there willing to say what no one asked – you ain’t cute. I am though.
We could go back in the archives and listen to me talk about body image issues. We can rest in peace that it will appear again in this blog in the future. As I remind people frequently, I am not immune to that which I advise. Overall though on most days you will find a Nicole who accepts herself regardless of her condition and will work when necessary to alter herself if the circumstances dictate. That doesn’t mean I won’t have body image issues, it just means I don’t linger on them in the same manner others might.
It’s humorous that the randoms on YouTube don’t impact me the same as the random one from the hometown. Shit one of them called me a walrus and I was like DAMN that one was original. They geta sure Jan, or ignored and the next video goes up. The other case I can identify anger, legit anger. I want to say that is more about hypocrisy, yet I can also admit that it comes from a place which still feels a need to prove myself. No – not prove myself to them – rather – prove to myself that like all of the others over the years who’ve underestimated me I stand and I advance. There is also the fact that it was all of this cellulite that attracted them, that the person they are currently with has a back wider than Michael Ohr and their daughter and granddaughter are also ‘fat’. Never seen his momma but I’d bet a donut…. Also that photo at at cookout shows they aren’t 180 anymore.
I am going to be deliberate though in my movement and intentions this month especially and shed some of that resentment.
I’m also going to join ____ and love on my body. In the version it is today, what it looks like a week from now, and beyond. In February 2012 it was Because I Love You. In 2024 it is about loving ME and also you.