It is February 10, 2024. I woke up this morning after not sleeping next to a white woman who calls me nigger. It is a good day. Today’s entry is from the year 2019:
Even though the other side of town is quiet-ish at the moment doesn’t mean I won’t have to come back here and notate some things in the future. This BHM entry serves a dual purpose in that respect. What I dislike about this particular year is there was odd formatting where instead of a break line it made my entries 2 pages. Many thoughts were not seen as completed but trust they are there.
This entry was me breaking down what my role in the lifestyle is, what my motivation is, and a partial display of my process. I wrote there that my core was static and welp it is. Much of what I wrote then remains still, and if I am looking back over the history, I did the things.
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That’s not done over the phone. That’s putting skin in the game.
I don’t need you to make me happy. I am responsible for my own happiness. I don’t need you to make me cum. I am skilled in my own pleasure and when I need a physical partner I can get that as well. I don’t need you to support me, I own bras even if I dislike wearing them. I am self contained, and asking me to change that for you requires you to earn it.
Before I commit to you I’m going to ask questions, and I am going to wait to see that the answer from your mouth is also the answer from your actions.
As casual as I can appear to the populace, I am nothing of the sort.
“”
My words. My actions. Consistent.
Nicole’s Black History is that through everything she’s been through, her morals remain. With everything upcoming they will remain. While I might allow the life happening around me to knock me off my path so to speak I don’t ever forget who I am because who I am doesn’t change.
The title appeals to me also. I am putting in work at this moment and the benefits of said work are accumulating.
That doesn’t mean I don’t get stuck from time to time…I do. I don’t STAY there and that to me is what matters.