I say you learn something every day if you are fortunate. Fortune is a thing in this household and my fortune today is realizing it is almost time to retire some hardware. A part of me doesn’t want to do it. Sentiment – petty perhaps a little of both but the move will be the end of an era and I am unsure how to feel about that in this moment. Now……me being me I am likely to come back here a week later and chastise myself for the delay, but in this moment I am going through the motions of do I really want to do it.

The short answer to that is yes. The current item was a HUGE upgrade from where I was prior. The NEXT item will be bigger and better and more aligned with Nicole. While my gratitude is unwavering, this was never a ‘me’. It was a flex gift, see look what I can do. Thank you. It got me to this moment in time and wasn’t just helpful it crafted things I could not otherwise see with my limited vizion. It was also a stay in your lane gift. I see that with perfect 20/20 hindsight.

My lane is the entire road. My lane is what I determine it to be, always.

My hesitation and delay stems from the budget. Yes I can do it, and I can even write it off as an expense these days. Note to self – We’ve gotten to the point of the show where you aren’t going to be able to do your own taxes next year Nicole. 2023 was a nightmare of checking for rules and regulations so it is time to pass that off to someone who does that for a living.

There is still a version of me who doesn’t look at the accounts and scream it can all end tomorrow!

It could, but you are the same woman who rebuilt her life from zero. Doubt that? Nicole is Black History bitch.

I eventually have to add in the work minimize the PTSD. It doesn’t ever go away, but it CAN be managed.

Instead I will look back at the budget and find the least invasive way to do this upgrade. I have options, choices and they can be used w/o sending things into chaos. I **might** wait until March 20 though because there is one other choice I have not explored.

Shit…I might even be able to order it in pink