In January of 2022 I loaded up a 19′ truck from Budget and began the long drive on I80 West to arrive in a new town to begin a new life. I thought I was too old to be doing stuff like that, but the pull and attraction to what I was told and what I thought this life would be here was too great.

I could spend paragraphs on what I thought it would be, but that is recorded elsewhere and immaterial to my current reality.

In May of 2022 there was a deliberate effort to upend my life here. I found myself in a no win situation and had to fight in a way I haven’t fought before. This from a woman who’s been fighting all her life. I don’t know if there was any battle more vital to my existence than the one which began May 7 2022.

The little one and I were talking about triggers and past and stuff. I explained a little more about money and how its been weaponized against me over the years. I also confessed to some silly things I’ve done with money. The heart of the conversation was the plans we have for 2024 and beyond and the things we need to do to stay on track. We have a vacation in June up next and the big trip in October. There is a lot out there and I usually worry how I will keep up. The conversation was a challenge for me, because as I shared with her, I was carrying all the history of Nicole into those words. I also got to admit that May 2022 was another shot from the weaponized gun and because of love I wasn’t wearing my bullet proof vest.

I am taken back to his words that I wasn’t ‘owed’ anything. In the purest sense I am not. No one ever is, yet the type of human being who understands the specifics of me, what I’ve lived through, and how great my exposure was in January of 2022 when I loaded that truck….that type of human being is barely human.

These days they rant about side chicks and 304s and my hope for them these days is they learn to love themselves and heal. I know right? Growth like a motherfucker.

My moments of anger are mine, not theirs. My questioning as things move forward with _____ are mine not theirs. My mistakes are my own, not theirs. The only possible issue we *could* have moving forward is social [of the media type] and even then some of what they could possibly do ain’t that deep to me. It’s gnats in the summer annoying to hear their revisionist history, but that is on them. I will always have the receipts and them lying to themselves doesn’t impact me. The female they, will go to their grave hating me, but again, not my burden. I inherently understand that they will always take a cheap shot, and in the big picture, they are still as irrelevant to me as they’ve always been. So long as their dysfunction doesn’t impede or impact my progress? That chapter is closed.

This year felt more challenging, and in a lot of ways it was, but the newest lease is signed and filed. March 31, 2025 is the next decision date. I have over 365 days to figure out if I will be packing or expanding. I don’t know the answer to that as I type here. I keep thinking San Diego and Henderson. I peek at Marietta.

I have 50 states and no limits. Shit, I could even spend a part of the year out of country but I am not going to make that decision today or tomorrow.

Today I am going to exhale and celebrate that for the 2nd time, I’ve done the impossible. I renewed a lease for a place that wasn’t designed for me to do it alone. Last year it was to prove a point to them. This year it was to prove a point to me. Next year I have nothing else to prove.

I spent some time with Iron Man. The kid is having a moment and I am not heartless. As I listened to what ails him, I was reminded that I made the correct decision to extract myself. I didn’t even have the urge to put on my save a nigga cape.

Look this growth is like my back – wide as fuck.

I have one more thing to pay off today and then I get to spend two WHOLE days not worried about the next thing. I will take it.

Constant Reader….I think I like this little life: