I made it out of October. I always knew I would I just didn’t know if there would be scarring. 10 years is a very long time. Almost so long that I no longer recall in vivid detail what things looked like in 2014. I have glimpses of the slide. I have nightmares about the results. For the last decade though I’ve woken daily without doing the same things I’d done for the prior decade.

There is no physical remains of who that version of Nicole was then. There are the neural echoes but other than the handful of scars on the melanin there is nothing left of who I used to be once upon a time.

That is not a good/bad thing, it simply IS.

I get to hang out in Fairfield next week – yay? When I went through the scenario with the therapist and the lawyer I had to explain I am not new to this. The multiple trips in 2022 and 2023 created a muscle memory I did not know I would need again. There is a stunned questioning from the ‘professionals’ who seem surprised at how I am approaching this.

I am. I am. I am.

I am a very good version of me in moments like this. I understand that people want to count me out and I understand that proving otherwise is a gold medal performance of mine.

I’ve pulled the Xmas decorations out and I am plugging the tree in tonight. I am shifting into holiday mode and still planning the next 4 steps. I got this.